let there be plenty of blood shed (please)

so....



ok. i ran away from home yesterday... er..i mean i left my phone on accident (purpose) so i lost the chance to answer the phone to the over 30 calls and 10 voice mails my little mans girly friend which by the way had all been left before noon...and so....did i mention he is only 7 and not like nearly 8, no...he has just recently turned 7. yeah.



as i walked in the door to quickly retrieve my phone and run as fast as possible back to the car to hopefully be gone until the little bastards are grown and no longer need their mammy...i walked in on this scene...









and then as i am exiting the bathroom i see this...









stay tuned for the full length feature film that is sure to be crowd pleasing since two of my offspring are offed in the filmy poo. hee hee...

good times my people. good times


*coming soon....pics of my landlords aka next door neighbors pool, can you say mossy goodness?

it is official

i give up.











**just in case you were wondering.

and you thought you had problems

garlic bread gone so very wrong

so about a month ago i got this crazy idea to make some garlic bread....

and that is how this little drama begins, yes, the making of garlic bread appears to be a simple task.

yet it is not.

these are the things i was never warned of. why did my mother not tell me the dangers involved? what a selfish woman to keep such knowledge to herself.

it began so innocently and ended so very wrong.

it seemed so inadequate to only use 1 cube of butter for an entire loaf of bread. it seemed so wise to double or even triple the recipe. how was i to know that the butter would melt? and furthermore...how the hell am i suppose to know the butter would ignite and fill my entire house with thick gray smoke?

i did not know. and why did i not know? well, only because my mother chose to die and take the info i so badly needed to the grave with her. i spit on your grave woman!

who knew that it would take hours for the smoke to clear and a 6 yr. old little bastard to put out the fire? and thank god for that little bastard or my pretty face may not have made it out safely. and a double thank you baby jesus! to the offspring, (i forget which one-they all look the same to me) for going back in the smoke filled palace to gather my dinner so i could partake of the charbroiled remains of my butter with a hint of bread and yummy red sauce and noodle dinner. and i do not think i need to apologize that the child had an asthma attack for doing so, he or she (as i said they all look the same to me) should have thought to use proper precautions!

i know you are watching me take a shit

why is it paranoid if i think that someone is video taping me in the bathroom?

it makes perfect fucking sense that someone would want to watch me shower. i think the real question is-- who wouldn't want to watch me take a shit, shower or shave my mustache?



well, let me just say a few things real quick before i begin packing my entire house that will be moved in a matter of days with the zero boxes i have been stockpiling for months.......is it possible to move an entire house worth of crap in ziplock bags? and if it is then why the fuck bother with a cardboard anything? do you think the casino's will let me sleep in front of the nickel slots? i would say penny slots cause i am a cheap psycho bitch, but since times are so fucking awesome pretty much everywhere in this god forsaken country, yes cause of these awesome times the penny slots have gone into retirement. well, except for the ones that still have monkeys inside of them spinning the wheels and throwing their shit at ya'als right as you begin to sink in and become one with the seat....fucking monkeys throwin their poop are really effin up my day!


well, that and that child of mine above.

breaking and entering ones own property

is it wrong to break into ones vehicle when you are the one who is in the owning of the vehicle?

and is it wrong to remove all the fuses and battery from the vehicle one breaks into?

furthermore....

is it wrong to throw a tuna sammich in the vehicle while it is parked in the parking lot of ones (that be me) apt complex while ones (me again dumbass) very short bus special jackasshole of an ex is in a jail cell for breaking ones wrists?

is it wrong that one is laughing ones ass off at the irony?

lesson to be learned here children...



marriage is evil.




and if you take my only vehicle and break my only wrists leaving me in the desert with nothing more then my hot self....do not assume that you will return to find your possessions not shat upon and not covered in tuna salad.

gayness all around

well. here we are again.

i am pissy. as always.

and.

you are seeking to gain a sense of sanity by reading my insanity. as always.

so. i suppose tis just another day at the office of the psycho bitch known as well....the psycho bitch.

good times all around i would say.

now on to the meaty more funner gaytarded life i lead.


this weekend i went to the gay pride parade in the city of sin. twas a very humptastic experience.



i took "my gays" with me. i like to call them that as to not confuse them with "my hetero's". hetero men are gay on the inside. i am sure of it. i know you all (yes you) wanna take it in the pooper. dont lie. it aint gonna do any of us no good if you continue to hang onto that lie. if you are willing to put it in my pooper well then. let us be honest. a pooper is a pooper. it is for the pooping.

anyway.

i met a bunch of hot men. which of course, are gay. i am convinced the only men that know how to dress well, shower daily and wipe their asses are gay. ok, maybe you hetero's wipe your ass and shower on a somewhat consistent basis but i have to say there is nothing like the smooth hands of a gay man caressing your face while he humps your leg and sticks his tongue down your throat.

not that i would know. but i am just saying, gays=mo betta and hetero's=asshats.


gays know how to apply the lotion on its skin too. the lotion is essential. they are also more better at pretty much anything. since you hetero's do not know the meaning of platonic relationship. the gays. they are in the know baby! the know what there is to know but the other f@ckers who wont admit to an eternal longing for pooper sex, well they are not in the know. the no know what there is to know. they are unknown. or will be. what? i am lost. it has finally happened. i have gotten lost in my own maze of wordage. well. there is a first for everything me thinks.

while we are comparing, or really, while i am comparing or actually while i am readying myself to bash all hetero's and their non-wonderful ways of being....let us not fail to mention that lezbo's are more funner also. yes. they are always good entertainment. i especially enjoy starting bitch fights between two bitches by grinding myself up against or between two lovers. my friend, who i like to call "tripod" (or truth be known a third party *wink* had dubbed the chickie this and i kinda like to ride on the coat tails of others and live the most boring not at all original life right down to not thinking for myself or making up my own pet names for my girlie friends so there ya go. the truth behind the tripod) is the best at this.


she started two bitch fights in record time. we left holding hands giggling and skipping like the catty bitches we are.



we of course came back for a second round.


because why? well i will tell ya. i like to stir the pot after it has boiled over and simmered down again. it is what i do.

that.

to me.

is.

heaven.

to get the juices flowing after my prey has relaxed and settled in, thinking they have made it through the attack of this psycho's hypno-vag and its evil ways.

and yes. i did say it was hypnotic. you know you want me more now, admit it. you wanna see if you can be the first to defy the hypnotic goddesses sucking your soul dry and pulling you into my never ending mind fuck by the vag, which is hypnotic and (bonus!!!) connected to my hotness which by itself....is really quite difficult to decline and/or not want to worship forever more in and of itself.

sorry. momentary lapse of brain juice. yes i was there. in that place where i have given up and given in at the same time. it don't have to make sense g. unit. it be good either way.

ok. i am back. let us reach the climax of this gaytarded story about the gays being proud and displaying said proudness at a festival in the city of sin. the city where men can openly hump trees and not be judged for the humping of trees that they do.


the gays. yes. they are more funner to dance with. more funner to make out with. more funner to hump. and let me just say i would pay to give a gay man a lap dance. but you hetero's you best have a large pocket book cause this lap dancing bitch here. meaning of course my hot ass. me. the psycho bitch typing this. come on people get with it. i aint selling it for cheap. which takes me nicely to my beef.



or not.





do i ever truly reveal the nature of my rant. the true hidden code behind all the bull shit i spew? you think you have it all figured out but i will say this. nope. it aint that easy beyotch. i am kinda just ranting and talking to myself on the intranet.

one thing for sure is you will never really know who i am or what i am talking about. which makes me all the more desirable.

you want me more now dont ya?